by Mick Rhodes | editor@claremont-courier.com

Well, well, Mr. Gregorian Calendar 2026! Hi there! We’re really glad to see ya! Thank you for being here. We’re all looking forward to working with you.

I’m sure you’re aware your predecessor was, well, if I’m being kind, unpleasant. I trust you’ve been told of the chaos and cruelty we’ve been dealing with. I’d offer you a refresher, but honestly the retelling spikes my anxiety and I’m trying to avoid spiraling into despair.

So yeah, it’s good to see you.

What’s that? You know about all that stuff? Oh. OK, great! Then you know how things went sideways for so very many of us last year; I imagine you’ve all kinds of fixes in mind to right the ship. We are grateful!

What do you mean you’re not here for that? What’s your plan then? It can’t be more of the same. We really need a new year that is less brutal, less arrogant, less greedy, and less petulant. We want a grown-up year.

Yeah, I hear you: we’re always going to have strife, struggle, disharmony, and tragedy. But it seems like 2025 didn’t give a damn about solving or helping with any of this stuff. In fact, now that we’re through it, it’s clear 2025 was just all about amplifying the pain on all fronts, unless you were a billionaire.

Last year really seemed to enjoy hurting people and dismantling institutions that had we’d relied on to help alleviate pain and suffering. Hell, the guy in charge down here even cut funding to USAID, which if it holds could cause the deaths of 14 million people over the next five years. That same dude cut SNAP benefits for poor families and children in states he doesn’t like, and barring some sort of heroic 11^th hour action from Congress, took away healthcare from about five million people. And I’m sure you heard that of the ones lucky enough to keep their health insurance, millions of them are going to see their premiums double or more. People can’t pay their rent or buy food, let alone pay for healthcare. And the guy in charge here doesn’t even know what “groceries” are. Did you see that? He’s been musing on this “old-fashioned word, groceries,” like it’s a rare mineral or a legal disclaimer for a new medicine, as if he’s fascinated that people actually shop for groceries. And we all know why, right? Because he’s never had to worry about putting food on the table for one second of his life.

That’s who’s leading us, this guy with no empathy, no understanding of the working class, and even worse, no curiosity about any of it. Oh, and did you hear it looks like Elon Musk is about to be a damn trillionaire? Why do we need trillionaires?

What? OK, yeah. Sorry. I’m a little fired up. I told you I tend to spiral into despair when I get to talking about what’s happening around here. But you can see now that it’s not because of nothing, right? We’re hurting. We need a good year. What say you?

What’s that? You’re joking, right? There’s nothing you can do? You’re a whole year, for Chrissakes. What do you mean you have no power over this stuff? Do you mean to tell me we’re just all going to have to take it for another 365 days?

We are very disappointed in you.

Let’s negotiate: what if we skip over a couple of the boring months this year so we’re closer to January 21, 2029, when, if luck and the Constitution holds, this will be over? We could do without April and February. We might even be fine without September. It’s hot as hell then anyway. What do you think, could you speed 2026 up a little? Same with the next couple years? I see 2028 is a leap year. Can we just skip that weirdness altogether? Even just one less day of suffering through this cruelty will make a difference.

No? Dammit.

I feel like this is going poorly. Let’s start over.

Again, we’re glad you’re here. Very glad, in fact. It must feel good to get such a warm welcome, right? I mean, that’s got to count for something. You do see what’s happening around here, don’t you? People are scared to send their kids to school. Hardworking folks — the ones who do the jobs a lot of us don’t want to do — are afraid to show up for work because these militarized goons will just knock you down, scoop you up, toss you in a van and disappear you.

Not your problem?

OK, how about a heads-up about what’s to come? You must have some insider info, right, being the new year? What do you mean it doesn’t work that way? Look, it’s crazy out here. The norms don’t apply. Is there anything you can do for us?

Speak up, love thy neighbor, and vote? That’s all you have?

Actually, that’s pretty good advice.

I guess I owe you an apology. I didn’t intend to lose it. It seems for many of us that anger is always percolating just below the surface these days. It sucks. I’m sorry. Yes, we’ll keep speaking up and loving and looking out for one another.

One final request? I know now you’re just a time keeper for us western folk, but will ya do whatever is in your power to try and make things a little easier for us down here as we muddle through this craziness? Maybe a few less mass shootings? Oh, not your department? I see. Well, could you do us a favor and just pass it on if you talk to whoever is in charge of that stuff? Thanks.

See ya around, Greg. Be easy on us.