by Mick Rhodes | mickrhodes@claremont-courier.com
The COURIER interviewed Peaches, a smallish 13-year-old local dog, for a canine-eye-view of life. She gave us that and much more, with this telling blow-by-blow of a typical day.

“I am not sure why COURIER is interested in my day, they are all the same,” said Peaches. “If you insist, my day usually starts when I hear noise outside.”

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6:47 a.m. I hear noise outside.

“What’s that? I bark so everyone knows there is noise out there. I bark again, but louder, so human will stop lying down with eyes closed. He gets up finally and I go outside. Then I bark a LOT more. After barking a while longer, I poop, sniff some stuff, bark, have a drink, and take nap.

“That is it. This my life. And still you want to write?”

7:21 a.m. I go back inside.

“I have some breakfast. It is the same most every day. Sometimes though, human gives me small piece of bacon. On those days, I love him most.”

Peaches told the COURIER she was unsure of her age, as she was a rescue, but alluded to what we assume to be her veterinarian hazarding a guess during a routine checkup.

“The bad man at the place where other dogs are—the man who puts me up on a metal table and pokes me with needle every year — he said once I was 11. I don’t know how he could know that, but whatever. He’s dumb. He pokes me, tells me I’m ‘a good girl’ and feels around my body checking for lumps or whatever. It’s creepy.”

Peaches, her longtime boyfriend Scooter and their humans were joined by a cat, Bijou, in early 2021, when the family adopted her from Priceless Pets in Claremont. Since then Bijou has become a beloved family member — to everyone except Peaches.

“Things were great before cat. I had it all. My human rubbed and petted me SO much more before cat. I want cat to know I was here before she was, and I will always be human’s favorite. So I chase her. I will not stop. Ever.”

7:55 a.m. I chase cat.

7:56 a.m. Human puts me outside.

“I am outside … again. Human does not appreciate how I keep him safe from evil cat. One day he will realize I am brave, and will take cat back to whatever terrible place cats come from.”

7:57 – 10:48 a.m. I bark some, nap a lot, then I hear noise and bark again.

“In mornings, human usually sits at his desk, looks at a screen, and hits a small board with little squares on it with his fingers. He talks on phone, asking questions, hitting that thing over and over. It is so boring.”

Peaches explained an important aspect of her job as she sees it.

“I am the ruler of my back yard. The other dogs in this neighborhood know this. I bark at them so they do not forget. Behind yard is what my human calls ‘the alley.’ Sometimes cars, humans, or even other dogs go by, and I bark at them because this is my back yard and they are too close.”

10:49 a.m. I go back inside.

10:50 a.m. – 1:02 p.m. I bark at a stupid squirrel in tree outside. Then more napping.

“This is time of day my human is most boring. He sits at desk and hits that thing with his fingers. He is on phone most of time and it is SO, SO boring. He talks and talks, ask questions, and hits thing on desk. Sometimes he pets me, but only for three seconds. We could be outside! What a waste.”

1:03 p.m. Mailman!

“I bark like hell at mailman. Doesn’t everyone? I mean, I smell many other dogs when he comes. I can’t tell you how much I want to EAT mailman.”

1:04 – 3:11 p.m. Napping, some random barking.

3:12 p.m. I chase cat.

3:13 p.m. My human says some bad words, then puts me outside.

“If I am honest, even if I do catch cat one day, I am not sure what I will do. When she first came to house she got up on human’s bed and lay there like she owned place. I tried to eat her then, but she pooped (right on the bed!) and scratched my nose. Her claws are very sharp.”

Meanwhile, Peaches patrols her domain and continues her daily self-care regimen.

“I make best of situation by sniffing, barking at neighbor dogs — they know who is ruler of this yard — and sniffing some more things. Then I take nap.

“I have dream of cat in back of van, looking out window at me as van drives away. Cat is crying and I am laughing very hard. I then bark triumphantly.

“I awake from beautiful dream and need to poop again. I find a spot near fence and do it there so neighbor dog can see I am not afraid to poop by his yard. He knows I am very dangerous.

“Just then, back door opens and human calls me. What is that thing? Is it … my LEASH?!? I AM GOING ON WALK!!!”

3:45 p.m. I go on walk!

“This is my favorite thing to do in whole world. I am grateful. I let human know this by pulling on leash very hard. I also pee in many locations — on bush, wall, three fire hydrants, and on many other things — along the way so that other dogs know I am ruler of this neighborhood, I have been here, and will always be here. I know they are very afraid when they smell MY pee.”

4:24 p.m. I return home.

“Human puts me in back yard. I am tired from seeing and smelling everything in our world, and from peeing 14 times. I have drink, and then pee just one more time.”

4:30 p.m. I go inside.

“It is hot outside so human lets me in. I take long nap on sofa, under magic white thing in ceiling that makes cold air.”

4:31 – 6:11 p.m. I nap.

6:12 p.m. I am awoken by human sitting down in chair.

“He is no longer at desk hitting board. He calls me to his lap and I jump up there and lick his face with vigor. I then roll over on my back and human rubs and scratches my belly. I lie there, so happy. It is nice.”

6:16 p.m. I chase cat.

6:17 p.m. I am put outside.

“This is bull—-.”