Kae Rae Yates died unexpectedly on January 15. Her family shared that her death, though sudden, was peaceful. She was 79.

“Few people can say that they realized a dream they’ve had since they were 11 years old, have been in a trailblazing marriage that lasted 45 years, or had a close and loving relationship with their daughter who was also a best friend,” her family shared. “Those things alone would make for a fulfilling life. Kae’s life embodied all those things and more.”

Kae was born May 5, 1945 in Madison, Wisconsin to Al and Dodey Bornstein. As a child she loved ice skating, going to Madison’s beautiful parks, and fishing with her cousins. She was enthusiastic about school, received good grades, and had dreams of attending college. Growing up in the college town of Madison inspired her to be the first in her family to graduate from college. The family moved to Pomona when she was 11. She graduated from Ganesha High School in 1963. After her life took some detours — two marriages and having a daughter — she began college at age 27. “Just the thought of going to college made her happy,” her family added. And so she began attending Chaffey College part-time at night while working full-time as a jury duty supervisor at the Pomona courthouse. She did all this while also being a single mom to her daughter, Gina Ortiz. Working at the courthouse proved to be life changing, as it was where she met her next husband, Reginald Yates.

After graduating from Chaffey, she transferred to Cal Poly Pomona. She knew she wanted to study psychology, so she majored in behavioral science, with the goal of becoming a marriage and family and child therapist. The master’s degree program in psychology from Cal State San Bernardino only accepted 12 students each year, and she made it in. “Her college dreams were coming true in full color,” her family said. “In this program she made connections that would become lifelong close friends, a fun-loving intelligent group who bonded in their shared goals and camaraderie.

“She didn’t accomplish all this singlehandedly. She had the full support of her parents, who provided childcare for their granddaughter. Reggie and Gina cheered her on every step of the way. In 10 years’ time she earned her A.A., B.A, a masters’ degree, and changed careers. The woman had perseverance.”

She was in private practice as a therapist for two years, before accepting a position at the Riverside County Family Law Court as a mediator. This was high stakes work, in that she had to give her recommendation to the court in child custody cases that would affect countless families, and work with parents whose emotions ran high. “Knowing that the best interests of the child were foremost in her heart and mind, she found it challenging and fulfilling,” her family said. She worked in Riverside for seven years before taking an early retirement due to fibromyalgia.

“Perhaps because she was a trained therapist, people she had just met would find themselves opening up to her,” her family said. “It was also a combination of her warm manner, easy smile, understanding eyes, and way of listening. She was a confidant to her friends and family, as well as strangers. She would come home and say, ‘You’ll never believe what this random person just told me!’”

She was married briefly for two years right out of high school, which ended in divorce. She was married for seven years to the father of her daughter, Randy Ortiz, and was a stepmom to his young boys, Chris and Danny. “The couple had a memorable time in 1975 at a tennis match at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas,” her family shared. “They heard that Neil Diamond was in the audience somewhere, and they were big fans. Kae set out to look for him, with Randy’s blessing. She found him watching the game by himself under the bleachers! She walked right up to him. It became family legend how she chatted with him for five minutes, then kissed him on the cheek and got his autograph. A memorable concert was in 2012 when Gina took Kae to see him at the Greek theater for ‘Hot August Night.’ Kae rocked out. Music was a big part of her life. She loved to attend concerts and there were many favorites: Gipsy Kings, Bonnie Raitt, Earth, Wind & Fire, Stevie Wonder, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John and the Rolling Stones. She loved listening to Breakfast with the Beatles on Sunday mornings with Gina.”

Her third and last marriage was to Reginald “Reggie” Yates. They met at the Pomona courthouse where he was working as a deputy district attorney, and she as a jury duty supervisor. Later, in 1989, he would become a judge. A friend shared, “Her smile unarmed even the most cranky of prospective jurors.” And certainly Reggie, too. They met on the judge’s elevator, and were married a year later, in 1979. “At that time interracial marriage was not common, only becoming legalized in 1967, and so their union really was a trailblazing one,” her family said. “They overcame obstacles in their way, and proved all the naysayers wrong. When Reggie suffered two strokes it was devastating. Kae was totally devoted to helping him recover, and with Gina’s support they all made the best of it. Being a caregiver was challenging for Kae, and she always sought ways to take good care of herself. They were married for 45 years. An account of their marriage and 40th anniversary was published in the Courier in 2019.

“Kae adored traveling. She was always up for a trip. Her travels took her across Europe, where she and Gina experienced the wonders of Italy, Spain, and Portugal. Mother and daughter had similar loves of art, food, reading, and nature, which made them ideal traveling companions. Reggie and Kae loved traveling together as well. A memorable time was a five-week study abroad trip in London through Mt. San Antonio College, where they also visited the Lake District of England, Scotland, Paris, and Prague. She was adventurous, curious, and didn’t hesitate to travel solo. One such trip was to San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, where she became enchanted with that storied town. The journey she was especially proud of was in 1996, when she walked a 26.5 mile Midnight Sun Mayor’s Marathon in Anchorage, Alaska to raise $4,000 for the Leukemia Society. Her monthslong training brought her triumphantly across the finish line. New Mexico was also a place Kae loved, visiting Gina when she lived there. She experienced the wondrous New Mexican sunsets, and she hiked down to the Rio Grande to soak in a hot springs for the first time.

“The place that was closest to her heart, her soul’s home, was Cambria on the central coast. The beauty of that landscape drew her back again and again for 45 years. Walking the trails along the coast at Fiscalini Ranch, and along Moonstone Beach, were a source of joy and tranquility for Kae. She first went to Cambria in 1979 on her honeymoon with Reggie, and then it became the family’s cherished vacation place over the years, as well as for Kae’s solo getaways.  Kae often brought her Mom, Dodey, along and they had so much fun together.

“She was not brought up formally in any religion. She felt that her true religion, her church, was walking in nature. And Cambria was her awesome cathedral, with its sunsets, crisp ocean air, pine trees, and endless seascapes. A guiding spiritual principle for her was, ‘There but for the grace of God go I.’ This was evident in her giving heart and actions, as she shared her abundance with those in need. She was in New York City on September 11, 2001, an experience that deepened this spiritual guidance, for she never took for granted how fortunate she was.

“Kae was an excellent cook and baker. Her father’s family hailed from Russian Jewish heritage, and so she could prepare some mean potato latkes, as well as other Jewish recipes. Kae’s mother Dodey was a loving influence in this realm, imparting the love of cooking for her family and friends. Her specialties were apple pie, spaghetti, gazpacho soup, and blueberry torte. Her repertoire expanded when she became a vegetarian.

“A lifelong animal lover, her companion animals were a big part of her life. She took such good care of all her little cat and dog loves.

“Kae had a rich reading life. She loved to be wrapped up in a good book, as well as frequenting libraries, bookstores, book festivals, and author talks. Giving and receiving book recommendations with others was something she truly enjoyed. She shared this love of reading with Reggie and Gina, and it was a frequent source of conversation and bonding for the family. The last book she was reading was James, by Percival Everett, which won the National Book Award, and she was thoroughly enjoying it.

“After a lifetime of admiring and appreciating art, at age 70 she sought to create art of her own. Through tutorials she discovered her medium in watercolors. She delighted in learning all the aspects of this artform, and discovering this nascent talent brought her much joy and peace of mind. She painted in a room at home full of windows looking out onto the garden. She delighted in giving her paintings made into cards to friends and family. Even before she started painting, she created beauty and harmony throughout her life that was reflected in her home and gardens.

“The thing to know about Kae is that from her abundance of living and loving she would do anything within her power to help her friends and family. She was a beautiful, fun loving, and intelligent woman. Her laughter lit up a room. She had a wonderful sense of humor. She was able to make you feel better when you were feeling down. She gave you hope and guidance and drew from life experience and her own innate wisdom to help you. Her thoughtfulness for others was ever present.  She was a woman who was loved and admired by everyone whose life she touched. Her lovely self is dearly missed by all of us. May her memory be a blessing.”

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Maya Angelou

She is survived by her husband, Reggie Yates; daughter, Gina Ortiz; nieces and nephews in Florida; cousins in Wisconsin and Concord, California; in-laws in Georgia; and a sister in Pomona. She was predeceased by her parents, Al and Dodey Bornstein; and her brother, Bruce Bornstein. She leaves behind many, many treasured friends.

Donations to the American Civil Liberties Union may be made in her memory at aclu.org.