By Mick Rhodes | editor@claremont-courier.com

Having that common but difficult conversation

One of the most difficult discussions we consider as we age is the one about giving up our car keys. This is especially true here in Southern California, where car is king and we take pride in navigating its dizzying grid with hard-won efficiency.

And talking about when and if it’s time to wind down or even stop driving altogether can be tricky for both older drivers and their families.

On one hand, driving is one of the most fundamental expressions of one’s independence, especially in Southern California. And as we age, independence becomes increasingly important to our physical and mental well-being.

On the other hand, as families and loved ones worry about keeping aging family members safe, driving is often at the top of the list of things to keep an eye on.

According to the non-profit National Safety Council’s most recent statistics from 2023, car crashes resulted in 44,762 deaths in the U.S. Drivers 25 to 64 account for the overwhelming majority of these, and 9,589 fatalities were folks 65 or older. But those are the extremes. Drivers over 75 are also more likely to get into minor accidents than those in their 50s and 60s.

It’s important to take an honest look at our driving skills as we age. Experts say early indicators that drivers may be becoming less able are difficulty judging distances, trouble seeing or hearing clearly, slow reaction times, getting lost on familiar routes, or even near-miss accidents.

These types of incidents can be distressing for drivers and loved ones. That’s one of the key reasons why it’s so important to be thoughtful about approaching the subject.

“Talking to a senior driver about safety stopping driving can be a challenging conversation for many families,” said Kandace Redd, senior public affairs specialist for Auto Club Los Angeles. “The main key here is to be respectful, to be positive, and really focused on safety. So the conversation should be respectful and supportive and you should really just stay focused on keeping them safe and independent.”

Keeping the conversation one-on-one, without involving the whole family and making it feel like an intervention can help ease anxieties for everyone involved.

“It’s really important to just simply stick to the facts,” Redd said. “Like, for instance, if it’s medical conditions or medications that could affect driving, rather than making assumptions. Because as we know when it comes to driving it really is more so about skill than it is age.”

The state of California does not have a maximum driving age. But drivers do see more stringent requirements when they turn 70, when drivers licenses must be renewed every five years with a vision test, and in some cases other exams may be required, including a written driving law knowledge test. The California Department of Motor Vehicles mails out notices 60 to 90 days prior to drivers’ 70^th birthdays with instructions on what is required to renew drivers licenses.

And if you are in the position of having to be the person who talks to an older driver about their safety on the road, above all be respectful.

“We know that respecting privacy, that’s really another key factor here,” Redd said. “You always want to ask before talking with their doctor or friends or neighbors about their driving. Their privacy really should come first. People really just want to make sure that they stay positive with the conversation, that they make sure that they remain respectful, avoid calling them names such as a dangerous driver, or making assumptions about their skills. Instead, you really want to focus on ways to keep them safely on the road and support their independence.”

If you or a loved one is facing the prospect of reducing or stopping driving, it doesn’t have to mean the end of mobility. Southern California transportation agencies have been opening new light rail lines consistently over the past 20 years, most recently the new LA Metro A Line station in nearby Pomona. And, Claremont boasts a Metro Rail station. Between both options riders can easily get to Pasadena, Downtown LA, Long Beach, Santa Monica, and even all the way to Seattle on Metro Rail.

Another good tip is to try and do some groundwork ahead of the day when driving may not be safe. To that end, The Automobile Club of Southern California’s Senior Transportation Mobility Planner is at exchange.aaa.com, search “senior transportation mobility planner.”

The goal of all this discussion is to ensure safety, not to take away freedom, Redd stressed.

“And then at the end of the day, of course, just planning for the future,” she said. “You know, when it comes to aging, this is the same train that we’re all on here.”

For more tips on discussing these issues with older drivers go to aaa.com and search “talk to an elderly person about driving.”