by Mick Rhodes | editor@claremont-courier.com

I’m really trying to give the holidays a go this year. Gifts have been purchased. The tree has been up since Thanksgiving. The wife and I have sat for a cluster of holiday films: “The Holdovers,” “Christmas Vacation,” “Home Alone,” “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles,” “The Apartment,” “Last Christmas,” “Love Actually,” and “Bad Santa.” Still in the queue are “Elf,” “Just Friends,” “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” “Klaus,” “Scrooged,” and Lisa’s favorite, “A Christmas Story.” I’ve recently been told Stanley Kubrick’s creepy as hell “Eyes Wide Shut” is a holiday movie, so we may give that one a try this year, though I’m skeptical.

We’ve not yet ventured out to the light displays around SoCal, but I’m sure over the next week or so we will make a drive to Christmas Tree Lane in Pasadena or the Mission Inn in Riverside. Close to home of course is that fantastic house on Scripps Drive here in Claremont.

All this to force the once reliable muscle memory of holiday cheer.

The kids are all nearly grown. The crop of grandkids still numbers just two, and they’ll be out in Riverside with their nuclear family, so it’s a small but mighty crew that will be ‘round the tree Christmas morning, and that’s fine. These are my people, and I’m so very grateful to be here to celebrate with them.

I’m trying to embody the optimism required to be of good cheer, but I must admit, the big picture is disheartening. It’s especially difficult to be an American right now, what with our democracy in peril on near every front, and so many of our neighbors celebrating the increasingly perverse state-sponsored cruelty on our streets and abroad.

I travel a lot, and many people in other countries think we’ve lost our collective mind. And maybe we have? But we soldier on. If we’re able, we volunteer, we give, we do what we can for our neighbors. Giving — not just of gifts, but of our time or resources — brings us closer to the spirit of the holidays, no matter which tradition we adhere to. It’s a universal antidepressant, I’ve found.

As a non-churchgoing atheist, I’ve long rolled my eyes at the religious overtones of the holidays, which can feel forced and in some cases, performative. But I’m old now and have become less dogmatic in my belief in nothing.

And to be honest, my stridently godless stance has become a drag. I’ve always said religion is great for most believers, and followed it up with, “But, it’s also been the source, or at least used as an excuse, for much human suffering for thousands of years.” And while true, it’s also reductive and annoying. I used to align with boorish atheists like Bill Maher, and the late Christopher Hitchens. I felt smug along right along with them.

I don’t feel that way anymore.

Being holier than thou about not being religious just feels like a bad fit for this aging white dude, like skinny jeans.

I’ve always understood why people wanted religion. It just wasn’t and still isn’t for me. Yes, I’ve seen it used to harm others, more so now than at any time in my life, but I’ve also seen firsthand the good that many people and organizations of faith do all around us, year-round. As such, it’s become tougher and tougher to be smug about my non-belief, not just because of charity, but because it’s just a grim and mean way to go through life.

I got to thinking on this last week, after a group of religious proselytizers knocked on my door while I was working. I saw them approach — six or seven youngish women wearing long dresses with a baby in a stroller and two young children — and am not proud to admit my first impulse was annoyance.

I opened the door and saw three smiling women standing there, and as I did, my little 18-year-old dog Peaches ran out to greet all the new people gathered in our driveway. I gave chase and caught up as she was rolled over on her back having her belly scratched by one of the kids. Everyone was enjoying the adorableness of the moment as I scooped her up and brought her back inside. The minor commotion behind us, I began talking with the trio of women at my door. I’m usually very brief, curt even, with door knocking religious folk. But the warmth and kindness emanating from these women was genuine and contagious. We had a 10 minute conversation about heaven, forgiveness, and being kind to our neighbors. I was expecting pamphlets or invitations to a church. But they had nothing to sell that could be bought. These folks were simply out spreading a message of kindness and empathy.

I thanked them for the talk, and as we were saying our goodbyes, I said, “Come by anytime.”

And I meant it.

We are surely surrounded by monsters using religion as a pretext for all manner of evil. But we’re also surrounded by folks who are just looking for something uplifting to aspire to while they’re here. What’s not to love about that?

I’ve always thought it ludicrous to be required to appease some god in order to be deemed “saved,” or be admitted to the afterlife’s VIP lounge. And the hypocrisy of many of the loudest, most demonstrative so-called believers is astoundingly easy to parse, especially today. But it’s clear to me now these opportunists are the exception. Most religious folk are in it for the right reasons: to love their neighbors and treat them and all as they wish to be treated. Sure, for many it’s just a habit or a familial obligation, but that doesn’t mean it’s not helping them feel connected to something that gives them solace.

What’s not to love about that?

So while I’m still old and godless, I’m trying to be less of a dick about it.

Happy holidays to all, believers and heathens alike.