Grandfather, engineer, competitive swimmer, coach

Surrounded by family, Stephen Scott Wilder died peacefully the morning of March 12.

Steve was born in the neighborhood of Zenith, near Seattle, Washington, to Barbara and Leo Wilder. One of four boys, he grew up in Manhattan Beach and spent his teenage years living in Miami, Florida. He was an avid swimmer and was nationally ranked as a boy and then later as an adult, winning competitions and receiving recognition in regional and national meets. He attended Florida Atlantic University, majoring in ocean engineering, and earned a master’s degree in ocean engineering from University of Rhode Island. He had a long and successful career as a computer software engineer at MSC Software.

As a young man, he met Patricia Pearce, the daughter of his rooming house landlord, while working as an engineer for General Dynamics. They soon fell in love and were married in 1975 in Groton, Connecticut. They had three children together before Patricia died from cancer in 1987.

Over the next decade, he devoted himself to raising his young children as a single father, moving his family to Claremont. “Balancing full time work with parenthood, he was a patient, calm and loving father, leaving for work before dawn so he would be home for afternoon activities and dinner,” his family shared. Steve fostered his love of swimming in his children, making time to coach his daughters’ swim team at Claremont High School for five years. He supported his son’s interest in computers by helping him build and program them. “He was a constant in his children’s lives, by necessity and by choice, at a time when many fathers were not often so involved,” his family added.

In 1995 he met Martha Andresen, an English professor at Pomona College and herself a devoted single parent, through their children’s friendships. They were married in 1998, and he welcomed Martha’s daughter into his family.

They were happily married for 20 years, time spent working, traveling, enjoying music and art, being together at home, and celebrating the births of their grandchildren before Martha’s death in 2018. Even later in life, he continued swimming, hiking, going for weekly walks with friends, and traveling with family. He took his grandchildren to visit China and Spain and cheered at their games, plays and ceremonies. He gave regularly to charity, supporting the arts, academia, those in need, and the environment. “He loved music, art and opera and enjoyed long conversations with family reflecting on the ideas and emotions they provoked,” his family said. “Many thought of him as a man of few words, but those who knew him best will remember him as an exceptionally tolerant, persevering, intelligent and generous man. He thought and felt deeply. He gave selflessly to those he loved, and he loved fiercely.”

He is survived by his brothers Timothy Wilder, Philip Wilder and Brian Wilder; his children Kristen Wilder, Aryn Wilder, Benjamin Wilder and Emily Russell; and grandchildren Isabelle, Matilda, Sophie, Gwen and Eleanor.

Details on a celebration of life will be announced in the coming weeks.

In lieu of flowers, donations in his honor may be made to American Cancer Society at cancer.org, Doctors Without Borders at doctorswithoutborders.org, or California Botanic Garden at calbg.org/support/donate.